- The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
- Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
- So, what are the chances of my balls slapping your ass tonight?
- So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
- That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
- That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
- That’s a nice blouse, can I talk you out of it?
- That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
- People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
- Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one.
- Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.
- Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
- My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?
- My place…..Eight o’clock……bring a friend.
- What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
- Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
- Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
- Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
- If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
- My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
- My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
- My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
- Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
- Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
- Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.
- Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
- Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.
- Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
- Let us let only latex stand between our love.
- Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
- Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
- I’ve got a condom with your name on it.
- I’ve got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?
- I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
- Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
- I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
- I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.
- I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
- I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
- I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
- I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
- I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
- I’m going outside to make out… care to join me?
- I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
- I’m leaving this place … want to cum?
- I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
- I’m like chocolate: I’m taste good and go straight to your ass!
- I’m a used car but you can still drive me!
- I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
- I’m conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first?
- I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.
- I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.
- I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
- I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.
- I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I’m finished.
- I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
- I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
- If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
- If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
- I’ll bet you $10 my dick can’t fit into your mouth.
- If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
- If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lube.
- If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
- If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
- If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
- If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don’t, so let’s go.
- If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
- If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
- I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
- I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
- I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
- I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.
- I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!
- I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
- I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!
- I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
- I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
- I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?
- I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
- Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
- Hey, my semen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?
- I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?
- How about you be my story and I’ll be your climax!
- Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?
- I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
- I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
- I cum in 5 seconds, you won’t even know I was there.
- Hey, you’ve got a lawyer’s ass. Yip, it’s firm.
- Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
- Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.
- Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
- Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.
- Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob.
- Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
- Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
- Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt – my eyes!
- Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
- I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
- Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
- I’ll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having the cigarette when we’re done.
- Hey baby, let’s go make some babies.
- I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
- Let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
- Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’
- What do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?
- Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
- Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
- Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.
- Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
- Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?
- Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?
- First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
- Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
- Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
- Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?
- Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
- Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
- Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
- Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
- Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
- Don’t worry, I don’t get emotionally involved. It’s just physical.
- Erections like these don’t grow on trees you know.
- Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?
- Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
- Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
- Do you wanna see why my nickname is ‘tri-pod’?
- Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
- Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
- Did you know your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?
- Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
- Do you like cherries? [No.] Ok, can I have yours?
- Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
- Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.
- Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
- Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?
- Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
- Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
- Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
- Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?
- Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
- Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more? <– Can be used with any nationality/race.
- Damn girl I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
- Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
- Can I see your tan lines?
- Can you help me up? My dick is too big.
- As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! (or “Why not?”)
- At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”
- I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!
- Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
- Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.
- Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.
- Are your knees dirty? I don’t want to get my floor dirty.
- Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
- Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
- Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
- Are those Guess jeans? ‘Cause guess who wants to get into ’em.
- Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
- Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
- Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
- Are you lactose intolerant? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.
- Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
- Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
- [Walk into her chest] “If they weren’t sooo large, it wouldn’t have happened!”
- [What are you doing?] I’m taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
- (Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
- All those curves, and me with no brakes.
- (Look down at the crotch) Well it’s not going to suck itself.
- Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
- (Stare at her until she says “What!?!”) It isn’t just gonna suck itself.
- Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”
- Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
- [Excuse me, do you have the time?] “Yes, do you have the energy?”
- [Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you’re ready.
- Do you like Basketball? Because I would like to show you my Magic Johnson.
- I’m lost, but I bet your nipples can point me in the right direction
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines… nice tits.
- I would love to lick your belly button……from the inside.
- I would tell you a joke about my penis….buts it’s too long.
- You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls.
- You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
- I’m bigger and better than the Titantic – only 200 women went down on that vessel!
- Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew..
- Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs and what’s in between!
- Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.
- If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer:
“Yeah! Do you have the energy?” - Do you want to have good sex? [Yes or No] Well then come to my place!
- I got the F, the C and the K. All I need now it U!
- You’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to cum across.
- I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell “RUN”.
- You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
- You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.
- You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.