Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.

Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.

Dirty Pick Up Lines

Let us let only latex stand between our love.

Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that

Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.

Show me your tits

I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.

I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?

I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.

I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?

I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.

Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?

I’m going outside to make out… care to join me?

I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.

Cum with me if you want to live

I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!

I’m like chocolate: I’m taste good and go straight to your ass!

I’m a used car but you can still drive me!

I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

I’m conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first?

I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.

I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.

I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.

I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I’m finished

I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?

I’ll bet you $10 my dick can’t fit into your mouth.

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lube.

If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don’t, so let’s go.

If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.

I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart

I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.

I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!

I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.

I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?

So, what are the chances of my balls slapping your ass tonight?

Hey, my semen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?

I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?

How about you be my story and I’ll be your climax!

Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?

I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

I cum in 5 seconds, you won’t even know I was there.

Hey, you’ve got a lawyer’s ass. Yup, it’s firm.

Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?

Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.

Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right

Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob

Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?

Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt – my eyes!

Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?

I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.

Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!

I’ll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having the cigarette when we’re done.

Hey baby, let’s go make some babies

I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.

Let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!

You wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’

What do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?

Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?

Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?

Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.

Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?

Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?

First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.

Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?

Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

Do you believe in one night stands?

Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

What do I have to do to be your booty call?

You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.

I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?

We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.

We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Don’t worry, I don’t get emotionally involved. It’s just physical.

Erections like these don’t grow on trees you know.

Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?

Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?

Do you wanna see why my nickname is ‘tri-pod’?

Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

Did you know your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?

Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.

Do you like cherries? [No.] Ok, can I have yours?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.

Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?

Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?

Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?

Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?

Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!

Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more? <– Can be used with any nationality/race.

Damn girl I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.

Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.

Can I see your tan lines?

Can you help me up? My dick is too big.

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! (or “Why not?”)

At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”

I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!

Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?

Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.

Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.

Are your knees dirty? I don’t want to get my floor dirty.

Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!

Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!

Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!

Are those Guess jeans? ‘Cause guess who wants to get into ’em.

Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.

Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!

Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.

Are you lactose intolerant? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!

Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?

[Walk into her chest] “If they weren’t sooo large, it wouldn’t have happened!”

[What are you doing?] I’m taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.

(Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

(Look down at the crotch) Well it’s not going to suck itself.

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”

Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?

[Excuse me, do you have the time?] “Yes, do you have the energy?”

[Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you’re ready.

Do you like Basketball? Because I would like to show you my Magic Johnson.

I’m lost, but I bet your nipples can point me in the right direction

Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines… nice tits.

I would love to lick your belly button……from the inside.

I would tell you a joke about my penis….buts it’s too long.

You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls.

You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?

I’m bigger and better than the Titantic – only 200 women went down on that vessel!

Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew..

Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs and what’s in between!

Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.

If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer:

Do you want to have good sex? [Yes or No] Well then come to my place!

I got the F, the C and the K. All I need now it U!

You’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to cum across.

I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell “RUN”.

You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.

You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.