Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Get A Girlfriend

Witty Pick Up Lines

Where do you hide your halo?

Witty Pick Up Lines

It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

Witty Pick Up Lines

I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

Witty Pick Up Lines

There’s only one thing I want to change about you. Your last name.

Witty Pick Up Lines

On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9 but I’m just the 1 you need.

Witty Pick Up Lines

I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

Witty Pick Up Lines

I know somebody who likes you but if I wasn’t so shy, I’d tell you who.

Witty Pick Up Lines

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Witty Pick Up Lines

My family has a history of high blood sugar, but I still want you even though you’re really sweet

Cute Pick Up Lines

Excuse me

Cute Pick Up Lines

I know why they call it a beaver, because I need some wood.

Funny Pick Up Lines

You look like a hard worker, I have an opening you can fill.

Funny Pick Up Lines

Your face would look so much better if I sat on it.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I’ve got the buns, bring the sausage.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I don’t feel so good. I think I need a shot of penis-illin.

Funny Pick Up Lines

Are you a candle? Because I’m going to blow you

Funny Pick Up Lines

I want your flesh rocket in my hot pocket.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Do these feel real to you?

Funny Pick Up Lines

I don’t work for UPS but I’d love to handle your package.

Funny Pick Up Lines

My body has 206 bones but I need another one.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I need an Australian kiss. It’s like French kissing, but down under.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I’m not wearing any socks, and I have the panties to match.

Funny Pick Up Lines

Excuse me Mr. Fireman, but that big hose of yours is getting me wet.

Funny Pick Up Lines

Are my undies showing? Would you like to see them?

Funny Pick Up Lines

I had to swim across the room to get to you.

Funny Pick Up Lines

You have a nice smile. Can I sit on it?

Funny Pick Up Lines

That guy over there won’t leave me alone so I told him you’re my boyfriend. Quick, grab my ass!

Funny Pick Up Lines

I’m having a sale in my place, clothes are 100% off.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I don’t have a gag reflex.

Funny Pick Up Lines

My batteries are dead, can I borrow your dick?

Funny Pick Up Lines

I feel like petting a snake tonight. Where’s yours?

Funny Pick Up Lines

Lick finger seductively, then rub it on his shirt… “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.”

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

I may not be Mrs. Right, but I’ll fuck you until she shows up.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

Cum in me if you want to live.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

Happy Alentine’s Day! You can collect the ‘V’ later.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

Do you work at Subway? Because I could really go for a footlong.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

I can suck a golf ball through 30 feet of garden hose.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

I’m not Rapunzel but you can still pull my hair.

Dirty Pick Up Lines For Her

Let’s watch porn on my mirror.

Clever Pick Up Lines

I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!

Clever Pick Up Lines

I like every bone in your body, especially mine.

Clever Pick Up Lines

You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.

Clever Pick Up Lines

May I can touch your belly button . . . from the inside?

Clever Pick Up Lines

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under

Clever Pick Up Lines

If I flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?

Clever Pick Up Lines

Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.

Clever Pick Up Lines

Do you like tapes and CD’s? Cause I’m gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD’s nuts.

Clever Pick Up Lines

Smile, if you want to have sex with me.

Clever Pick Up Lines

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.

Clever Pick Up Lines

There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.

I want to kiss your belly button, and move all the way down to your lips.

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I’m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.

Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.

Clever Pick Up Lines

That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

Clever Pick Up Lines

What time do you get off? Can I watch?

Oh your on your period? That’s okay, pirates aren’t afraid to sail the Red Sea.

Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!

The Trojans loved Helen so much they jumped into a horse, I love u so much I wanna jump into a Trojan.

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.

Sexy Pick Up Lines

You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.

That’s a nice blouse, can I talk you out of it?

So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?

Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.

Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!

Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.

Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, “do you want to taste my drink?”

Want to make a porno? We don’t have to tape it.

What are you doing tonight, besides me?

What do you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.

My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

My dick just died and I need somewhere to bury it

My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?

If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

My place…..Eight o’clock……bring a friend.

My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?

Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.

Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one.

People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!

That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!

I’m going outside to make out… care to join me?

I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?

I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.

I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?

I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.

I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?

Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.

I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

I’ve got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?

I’ve got a condom with your name on it.

Show me your tits

Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.

Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that

Dirty Pick Up Lines

Let us let only latex stand between our love.

Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.

Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.

If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lube.

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

I’ll bet you $10 my dick can’t fit into your mouth.

If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?

If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I’m finished

I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.

I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.

I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.

I’m conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first?

I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

I’m a used car but you can still drive me!

I’m like chocolate: I’m taste good and go straight to your ass!

I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!

Cum with me if you want to live

I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.

Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.

I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!

I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.

I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.

I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart

If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.

If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don’t, so let’s go.

If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

So, what are the chances of my balls slapping your ass tonight?

Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!

I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.

Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?

Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt – my eyes!

Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?

Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob

Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right

Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.

Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?

Hey, you’ve got a lawyer’s ass. Yup, it’s firm.

I cum in 5 seconds, you won’t even know I was there.

I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?

How about you be my story and I’ll be your climax!

I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?

Hey, my semen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?

Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

Do you believe in one night stands?

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?

Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.

First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.

Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?

Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!

Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.

Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?

Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?

What do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?

You wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’

Let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!

I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.

Hey baby, let’s go make some babies

I’ll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having the cigarette when we’re done.

What do I have to do to be your booty call?

You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.

I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?

We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.

We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Don’t worry, I don’t get emotionally involved. It’s just physical.

Erections like these don’t grow on trees you know.

Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?

Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?

Do you wanna see why my nickname is ‘tri-pod’?

Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

Did you know your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?

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Dirty Pick Up Lines For Girls – The Full List

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Pick Up Lines About Being Hot

If I were a stop light, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

You look familiar, didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.

You can’t be my first, but I want you to be my last.

My friends bet I can’t talk to the prettiest girl. Wanna use their money to buy drinks?

Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is my favourite.

If you hold 9 roses in front of a mirror, you’ll see the 10 most beautiful things in the world!

Witty Pick Up Lines

When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

Witty Pick Up Lines

Hi, my friend thinks you’re kinda cute, but I don’t. I think you’re gorgeous!

Witty Pick Up Lines

*Give her a dozen roses* 11 real, 1 fake and tell her: “I’ll stop loving you when all the roses die.”

Witty Pick Up Lines

I used to be a Gambler, but then I realized that all I needed was the Queen of my Heart.

Witty Pick Up Lines

If you were a basketball, I’d never shoot. [Why?] Because I’d miss you too much.

Cute Pick Up Lines

If I had to choose between breathing and loving you…. I’d take my last breath to say “I Love You”.

Cute Pick Up Lines

*As she’s leaving* Hey aren’t you forgetting something? [What?] Me!

Cute Pick Up Lines

(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.

Cute Pick Up Lines

You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!

Cute Pick Up Lines

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever .

Cute Pick Up Lines

Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?

Cute Pick Up Lines

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall… is in love with me.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Guess what I’m wearing? The smile you gave me.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Let’s commit the perfect crime: I’ll steal you’re heart, and you’ll steal mine.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person I know? (hold up a mirror)

Cute Pick Up Lines

I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.

Cute Pick Up Lines

You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

Cute Pick Up Lines

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

Cute Pick Up Lines

What are you doing for the rest of your life? Because I want to spend it with you.

Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.

Do you like cherries? [No.] Ok, can I have yours?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.

Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?

Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?

Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?

Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?

Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!

Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more? <– Can be used with any nationality/race.

Damn girl I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.

Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.

Can I see your tan lines?

Can you help me up? My dick is too big.

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! (or “Why not?”)

At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”

I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!

Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?

Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.

Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.

Are your knees dirty? I don’t want to get my floor dirty.

Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!

Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!

Cute Pick Up Lines

Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?

Cute Pick Up Lines

Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?

Cute Pick Up Lines

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.

Cute Pick Up Lines

Even if there wasn’t any gravity on earth, I would still fall for you!

Cute Pick Up Lines

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces.

If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you, I’d only have a dollar because you never leave my mind

It took 3 tries to approach you. I kept loosing my breath.

We’re like a 4-Leaf clover. You’re the C and I’m the R, and there’s love in between us.

I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Do you want my Squidward on your Sandy Cheeks?

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

I need you like Plankton needs the secret formula.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

If I can’t get into Bikini Bottom, I’ll settle for the Bikini Top.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

F is for friends, who do stuff together, U is for u and me, N is for anywhere and anytime at all you’re feeling even a little horny.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Yes or no question; is it wet in Bikini Bottom?

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Let’s make a Krabby Patty. You bring the buns and I’ll bring the sauce.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Is it selfish that I want to be the only one in your Bikini Bottom?

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Hey girl, do you want this Super Weenie Hut Jr??

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

I won’t stop until I’m the first man to live in that Bikini Bottom.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Are you a ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Forget the Bottom; can I just go in your Bikini?

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Hey there Mrs. Puff, you looking cute today.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

I have an extra special dish waiting for you at Weeny Hut Junior.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

I won’t stop loving you until Spongebob gets his license.

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

On a scale of 1 to Spongebob, how ready are you to give me your number?

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Hi, I’m very ugly.

Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!

Are those Guess jeans? ‘Cause guess who wants to get into ’em.

Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.

Quagmire Pick Up Lines

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250 Dirty Pick Up Lines Cont’d

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Dirty Pick Up Lines as Images

Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!

Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.

Are you lactose intolerant? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!

Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?

[Walk into her chest] “If they weren’t sooo large, it wouldn’t have happened!”

[What are you doing?] I’m taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.

(Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

(Look down at the crotch) Well it’s not going to suck itself.

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”

Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?

[Excuse me, do you have the time?] “Yes, do you have the energy?”

[Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you’re ready.

Do you like Basketball? Because I would like to show you my Magic Johnson.

I’m lost, but I bet your nipples can point me in the right direction

Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines… nice tits.

I would love to lick your belly button……from the inside.

I would tell you a joke about my penis….buts it’s too long.

You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls.

You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?

I’m bigger and better than the Titantic – only 200 women went down on that vessel!

Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew..

Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs and what’s in between!

Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.

If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer:

Do you want to have good sex? [Yes or No] Well then come to my place!

I got the F, the C and the K. All I need now it U!

You’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to cum across.

I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell “RUN”.

You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.

You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.